Tuesday, December 30, 2014

new year's intentions


                                                                                                                           photo:  feather  by Yolanda Kauffman


The threshold of a New Year naturally invites reflection and anticipation. We reflect on the swift passing of one year with its varied layers, and we anticipate all that is yet to come.

In the past I've joined many people, and perhaps you, too, in making New Year’s resolutions. Sometimes the resolutions were practical: “I will get physical exercise at least four times each week.” In other years, they were more introspective and intangible: “I will be more patient with interruptions, more open to spontaneous opportunities.”

It's one thing to make a resolution, and it's another thing entirely to follow through on it! Only rarely has my follow-through lasted an entire year. More often than not, if you met up with me in July and asked how my resolutions were going I would've been hard pressed to even remember them clearly.

I've observed over time that my resolutions often contain a degree of judgment directed toward myself or the world around me. Resolutions typically include an assumption that what is, right now, is not okay; it is lacking in some way. Therefore, I must work to change it (my fitness level, my impatience, etc.).  This means I approach a resolution as an act of will. It is up to me to buckle down and see it through. If I don’t then I've failed in some way, and I have only myself to blame.

The root of the word resolution literally means “reducing things to simpler forms.” It has also grown to mean finding the answers, or “taking the bull by the horns.” It means I often reduce my world down to me.

There is a place and time in this life for such individual resolve. However, I've found that the most creative changes in life have not come through my own willful resolutions or my efforts to take control. The most meaningful transformation has come more in the moments that required me to release my grip, to let go of my own willfulness, and to live from a place of openness, vulnerability, and deeper trust.

True and lasting change in this life comes when we are willing to start right where we are,   without first wishing life to be any different than it actually is. This is where Love meets us. Love has the power to work only through what is true and real. So, on the cusp of this New Year, with all that has been and all that yet may be, may we be right here, right now, with one another, and with the Great Love that has the power to transform all things.   


Friday, November 21, 2014

soak up sun like stone







Cold autumn day, yet
to be still is to grow warm -- 
soak up sun like stone.







photo: center stone at Heartland Farm labyrinth



Monday, October 20, 2014

Born of Spirit: A Song of Nicodemus





Born of Spirit: A Song of Nicodemus

for Nathan at the celebration of your ordination

The wind blows where it chooses,

and you hear the sound of it,

but you do not know where it comes from

or where it goes.

So it is with everyone

who is born of the Spirit.

JOHN 3:8



See the scrolls and volumes on the shelf,

reams of pages written,

countless sermons spoken (many forgotten)—

words upon words

within words.



Know that all speech of the Beloved

remains one step (or more)

removed from the Source.

All of our descriptions are stammerings.



We speak our holy names,

and utter precise explanations.

Some are exquisite and beautiful,

some seem quite reasonable,

and altogether possible.



Our utterances are stones, piled into cairns,

marking a path through wilderness.

They show us the way,

we hope.



Sometimes they are joined

with the mortar of fear and time

and they become a shrine,

a sanctuary,

a fortress.



“Lord, it is good for us to be in this place!”



Only, we discover that to remain in this place

is to lose our Way.

We must go back down the mountain.



We are called to wander from the well-lit path,

away from roads of exposition,

into the wild lands of encounter.



So leave the books to collect their dust,

leave the parchment bare,

trust that the silence will not fail you.

Know that “blessed are the beginners”

and so are all who listen for wind,

and wonder in the dark.



Here you will know Jacob's struggle,

and blessing,

and wound.



Here you will know Mary's joy,

and surrender,

and lament.



Here you will dwell in the Teacher's questions:



      “What are you looking for?”



      “Who do you say that I am?”



      “Are you willing to drink the cup that I drink?”



Do not rush you response.

Live fully your momentary answers,

and live the possibilities together

with your sisters and your brothers.

Listen for the Great Wind that blows where it chooses.



Let it pass through you,

that you might be born of it again,

and yet again. 

Saturday, August 2, 2014

exposure



Displaying photo.JPG
 
Birdbath after rainstorm” ©Eric Massanari

Light is a powerful and life-sustaining presence in our lives. We depend upon it, especially the light of the Sun around which we turn each day and night. Without this great light, life would cease on Earth.

I remember my first visit to the Grand Canyon years ago, walking out onto the South Rim and feeling my breath catch for a moment as my eyes, mind, and heart tried to take in the play of sunlight on the incomprehensible expanse of it all. The Native Americans who once made this their home referred to it as The House of Stone and Light.

On that same trip we stopped in Las Vegas, Nevada. As we walked down the Las Vegas Strip I was overwhelmed by the rainbow hues of neon, casting colorful light on the faces of people, and reflecting off the tinted windows of casinos. I couldn’t feel this light. It had no endurance, no vitality to it. That strange city is a house of a very different kind of stone, a wholly different kind of light, and it felt terribly life-less.

Across spiritual traditions Light is used as a metaphor to describe experiences of awakening, deepening awareness, and expanding insight. We use terms like enlightenment, and illumination. It is associated with the revelation of Divine truth and presence. In my own Christian tradition, light becomes a primary metaphor for God’s gift to the world in Jesus. In the words of Zechariah, father of John the Baptist:

By the tender mercy of our God,
a dawn from on high will break upon us,
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the way of peace.
Luke 1:78-79

The Light that guides us to our true selves and “on the way of peace” is revealed in so many ways. Sometimes it shows itself in blinding, revelatory flashes of insight and understanding rising from within, and sometimes it reveals itself only in dim glimmers of possibility and hope amidst the darkness. Sometimes, it even appears as darkness to our eyes that have been blinded by the life-less lights of our own creation.

The Light dwells in all people, glows through any moment, and streams through the many traditions of faith and spirit that have illumined the souls of women and men through millennia and summoned people to gather and know their shimmering unity.

As you go about your day, look for signs of the Light shining in the world around you and through the people you meet. Trust that this will be revealed to you. And as you live, trust also that you bear this Light in your own being - it is your own nature - and you have been given this to share freely with the world.

What we plant in the soil of contemplation
we will reap in the harvest of action.
Meister Eckhart

Friday, July 25, 2014

living the open questions


                                      “Canyonlands cairn” ©Yolanda Kauffman


The next day John again was standing with two of his disciples, and as he watched Jesus walk by, he exclaimed, "Look, here is the Lamb of God!" The two disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. When Jesus turned and saw them following, he said to them, "What are you looking for?"   John 1:35-38
 
You might take a moment to imagine yourself walking that road behind Jesus, having just left one teacher and now wondering how to approach this potential new teacher. Before you can figure out what to say to him he turns, sees you following, and asks you directly: “What are you looking for?”  How would you answer?
Throughout the gospel accounts we find Jesus teaching people by asking questions. Not just any sort of questions, of course. It is entirely possible for us to ask what I would call closed questions that essentially amount to answers and statements of presumption:  What is your problem?  Didn’t you realize that was going to happen? Don’t you hate it when….?  Don’t you just love it when….?  Isn’t this a beautiful day?
Jesus, like so many great teachers, knew the power of living with open questions, questions that invite living our way into life with an open heart and an open mind:  What are you looking for? Do you want to be made well?  Who do you say that I am?  Can you drink from the cup that I will drink?
These are the questions that invite the disciple to listen within for the presence and guidance of God’s Spirit. Often times these are the sorts of questions we will need to return to again and again in the course of our lives:  Who am I? What is my deepest desire? Where do I see God at work in my life?
Sometimes the open questions are the ones that lead us deeper into relationship with our sister and brother:  Who is my neighbor? What does this person have to teach me? How is God already at work in your life?
If we live only with our iron-clad answers and well-defended assumptions it is difficult for us to hear the voice of God and to keep growing. When we allow the most intimate and open questions of faith to lead us then we know we are on a holy and vital path of life in God. As the poet Ranier Maria Rilke once advised an eager and aspiring young poet:
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.   - from “Letters to a Young Poet”

Friday, April 18, 2014

Good Friday Meditations on the 7 Last Words of Christ





Meditations on The Seven Last Words of Christ

I originally composed this series of meditations to accompany a performance of Franz Joseph Haydn's "The Seven Last Words of Christ" with the Arianna String Quartet at The Tassel Performing Arts Center in Holdrege, Nebraska. Haydn's moving piece is comprised of nine movements inspired by the story of the crucifixion and these final statements of Jesus from the cross.  - Eric Massanari

Introduction:

The cross of Christ:
it has become such a ubiquitous image—
in sacred and secular settings alike—
that we might be tempted to forget that
the cross is more than a symbol.

When it is colorfully painted and hung on walls,
cast in precious metals,
adorned with costly gems,
suspended from necks and earlobes,
we understandably lose some
elementary memory of the cross.

The cross was an instrument of death.
More than this, of course,
it was an instrument of death as punishment—
a death meant to be tortuously slow, agonizingly painful,
and humiliatingly public.

The cross was an instrument of an empire
intent on maintaining power and control,
and willing to do it through violence and fear.

Even more, the cross is the very desecration of life—
the life created in the image of God,
the life pronounced good,
the life that is a light to all people.

The life of Christ
follows a path that must pass through
the desecrating violation of the cross.
All who would seek to follow the Way of Christ,
must remember that this is part of the story.

The story of Jesus' public ministry began in the wilderness,
fasting, praying, listening, and confronting
a tempting voice calling out:
“Be relevant!” “Be wonderful!” “Be powerful!”
All were temptations to place himself
at the very center of things.
These temptations he released,
so that Love might remain at the center.

Luke, the gospel writer, tells us that at the end
of this time of wilderness fasting
the Deceiver left him until a more opportune time.

There were many “opportune times” that followed
as Jesus had to decide again and again whether to walk
a way of power and control, or a way of compassion and vulnerability.

What more opportune a time for temptation could there be
than that moment when one is aware
that suffering and death are approaching?
The temptation to flee, to fight, to hide is strong.

Jesus, in the end, chooses to walk the way
that so many other human beings
have been forced to walk in this world.
He does not resist or avoid this path;
rather, with self-emptying love
he redeems it and transforms it.

Shortly before he was arrested and killed,
Jesus shared a simple meal of bread and wine with his friends.
He likened the bread to his body, offered to them.
He shared the wine as a sign of his blood
poured out as an oblation for the world.

And he also told them this:

There is no greater love than this:
to lay down one's life for one's friends.

And now....
The Seven Last Words of Christ.



  1. When they came to the place called The Skull, they crucified Jesus there with the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:33-34)

Jesus speaks words of mercy
for those who pounded the nails,
and those who divided the spoils.

He speaks words of release
for silent bystanders,
and absent friends.

His words are a beatitude for the blind,
a blessing for the ignorant.

In this life it is difficult enough
to forgive those who see their trespasses with honesty
and who come to us with apology.

But this,
this forgiveness for all—
all who do not yet see with honest eyes,
all who do not yet weep with contrite hearts,
all who do not yet speak the words, “I am sorry”—
this seems like some strange,
imbalanced equation of love....

….that is, until we come to know our own need for it:
our own need for such unmerited release,
our own need for such immeasurable mercy.

Father, forgive us, for we do not know what we are doing.


  1. One of the criminals who were hanged there kept deriding him and saying, “Are you not the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed have been condemned justly, for we are getting what we deserve for our deeds, but this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus replied, “Truly, I tell you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:39-43)

I imagine this thief having no one there
at the foot of his own cross.
No one is there to bear witness to his death,
or weep for his suffering.
I imagine his as a life of wounding,
betrayal, and burned bridges.

There is nothing here to indicate that
he was one of the faithful.
He recites no prayer or creed,
he offers no pious confession
to try and prove he is worthy of anything.
He simply asks to be remembered by one other person
in this moment of his suffering, and his dying.

The thief is assured of this, and much more.
Jesus gives him an immeasurable gift of mercy and welcome—
the full welcome extended to a beloved child of God
at the moment of homecoming.

Today you will be with me in paradise.


  1. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold your son.” Then he said to the disciple whom he loved, “Behold your mother.” (John 19:26-27)

I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God,
I've been washed in the fountain,
cleansed by his blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
for I'm part of the family,
the family of God.

The old hymn emerges from childhood memory.
It frightened me then—it disturbs me now—
with it's image of washing in blood.

Blood: that current of life within our bodies.
When blood flows out, something is wrong;
a wound needs mending,
a body needs healing,
a relationship needs reconciling.
What could be more wrong than a mother
or father witnessing the bleeding,
suffering, and dying of their own child?

“Blood relatives” is what we call those
with whom we share foremothers and forefathers.
Jesus points beyond so small a clan
and reveals the familial bonds
found in our common humanity.
His entire ministry was devoted to
pointing people to the truth that our lives
are forever woven together with our neighbors,
joined in the eternal diastole and systole
of the great, beating heart of God.

The suffering of one is the suffering of all.
The joy of one is the joy of all.

Even from the cross Jesus points to our neighbor near at hand
and the stranger far away and says:

Here is your son, your daughter.....
here is your sister, your brother....
here is your mother, your father......


  1. From noon on, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. And about three o'clock Jesus cried with a loud voice, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)

It is the cry of the abandoned,
an anguished charge
against an absentee God.

For some these may seem
the most unsettling words uttered by Jesus.
Artful exegetes have gone to great lengths
to try and soften the bitterness of these words.

For many others, though,
there is great grace in knowing
that Jesus dared to pray this prayer.

Jesus joins his voice with countless others
who have uttered such a brokenhearted cry.
These words have been spoken in many tongues,
in many lands, in many horrible moments of history.

This is the prayer of the battlefield,
the concentration camp, and the mass grave.
It is the prayer of the famine stricken, the abused,
the raped, and the neglected.
It is the prayer of the ailing and the dying.
This is the only prayer one can offer
when nothing remains to give solace,
and the longing is all that is left.

For many who have known such despair
there is a great gift here:
the gift of knowing that Love went so far as to
pass through this deepest darkness,
and utter these terrible words,
and then dare to wait for an answer....

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?



  1. Knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I thirst.” A jar of sour wine was standing there. So they put a sponge full of the wine on a branch of hyssop and held it to his mouth. (John 19:28-29)

The thirst for water is a longing
that unites one life with all life,
one body with the great body of beings.

With these words Jesus gives voice
to his own particular need,
and in the same moment
reminds us of a need common to all.

We all come to know thirst in this life,
the feeling of dry mouths and parched lips,
and the tissue-deep longing of our body for water.

We may also come to recognize a deeper thirst:
the Spirit-birthed thirst of our souls.

This is our thirst
for meaning,
for wholeness,
for justice,
for truth,
for compassion,
and for love.

In this moment
the Son of Humanity, the Child of God,
gives voice to the longing
of all bodies,
all souls,
all daughters and sons of the Earth,
and all children of God.

I thirst.


  1. When he took the wine, Jesus said, “It is finished.” And having bowed his head, he gave up his spirit. (John 19:30)

It is finished....

From the vantage point of the living
death's finality is felt
regardless of how it comes.

Whether we deem it a “good death,”
or wholly other than “good,”
or a death somewhere in between,
to be with another human being
in the moment of their death
is to stand on sacred ground.

In the face of such mystery one wonders:
Is it finished? Is this the end?
Is this an impenetrable barrier,
or is it a threshold
with the door held wide open for all?

I think of Jesus' mother, his disciples and friends, wondering:
Was it all for nothing?
Is it all finished?
Has evil won out over love?

Jesus had once given them a parable,
and like most of his parables it was simple,
and it smelled of the earth. He said to them,

Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies,
it remains just a single grain.
But if it dies, it bears much fruit.

It is finished....

...finished, in the way that a seed is finished
when it falls into the ground and dies.

...finished, in the way that the wave is finished
when it climbs the shoreline and then returns the sea.


  1. Jesus cried out with a loud voice saying, “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.” And having said this, he breathed his last. (Luke 23:46)

There have been moments
at the bedsides of the dying
when I have found myself
suspending my own breathing,
forgetting it for long periods.

The silence and stillness grows
in the spaces between
in-breath and out-breath.....
I hold my own,
and wait,
and watch
until the breath of the other is no more.

Luke describes Jesus' last breath
as a final act of offering.
It has not been taken from him
by the violence of others.
His spirit is his to commend
and his last breath is his to give
into the hands of God
with the prayer of the Garden
still resounding:

Not my will, but thy will be done...

Fear is now gone.
Betrayal has ended.
Evil holds no sway
in this final moment,
as the sacrament of the Christ-breath
is emptied out
and shared with the world.



The Earthquake
At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks were split. The tombs also were opened, and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised. After the resurrection they came out of the tombs and entered the holy city and appeared to many. Now when the centurion and those with him, who were keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were terrified and said, “Truly this man was God's Son!” (Matthew 27:51-54)

Now, the stones cry out,
and the earth shakes,
at the death of a beloved child of God.

The words from the cross shudder downward
through fibers of try timber, enter the ground,
and dive deep into bedrock.
Creation screams its grief
at the desecration of life.

Perhaps with our muted and
atrophied senses we miss the signs
that are all around us,
signs of the earth's lament
when it must witness the suffering
and accept the blood of the innocent.

If we could attune ourselves
to the cry of the stones
we would hear their keening,
and perhaps something more.

For in this moment when all seems lost,
the earth itself makes an appeal:

The Word of Love will not be silenced.
It will revive and resound again and again!
The Light of Life will shine in the darkness,
and not even the darkness of death
will overcome it.

Such will be the cry of one great stone
that will roll from the mouth
of an empty tomb.
 

When even the shadows can heal

           Yet more than ever believers were added to the Lord, great numbers of both men and women, so that they even carried out the sick...