Tuesday, September 1, 2020

When even the shadows can heal

 

 

 
 
 Yet more than ever believers were added to the Lord, great numbers of both men and women, so that they even carried out the sick into the streets, and laid them on cots and mats, in order that Peter’s shadow might fall on some of them as he came by.    Acts 5:14-15

 

In this passage we hear of people so desperate for healing and hope that they are taking to the streets, gathering in the hopes of healing, restoration and wholeness. These are people whose endurance of pain has moved them beyond fear, and they boldly emerge into the public square to cry out. It’s not hard for us to imagine such a scene because this is something we know now, and see now.

 

Then Peter’s shadow passes over the crowds gathered on the streets of Jerusalem, and across our imaginations. What do we make of this?

 

A shadow: that thing our bodies cast across the ground when we stand in the light. One of the poems I remember hearing as a very young child was by Robert Louis Stevenson, and it began with these lines:

 

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,

And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.

He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;

And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed . . .

 

I assume this is the shadow that Luke is speaking of. However, the story evokes for me another understanding of shadow offered by the 20th century Swiss psychologist Carl Jung.

 

Jung used the word shadow to describe that portion of ourselves that we do not fully see, comprehend or understand. My shadow is made up of the unconscious aspect of my personality, as well as those parts of myself that I’ve chosen to avoid looking at in the light of awareness – a choice made out of a need to self-protect, or because of fearfulness and unease.

 

Our shadows include those things that have felt too painful to address or accept: the traumas we have experienced, the pain we have suffered and the pain we have inflicted. It includes the prejudices and blind assumptions I make about my world. The shadow can be individual but it can also be collective—a whole community, an entire society can have a shadow aspect that it is unable or unwilling to see. The shadow of racism is a prime example for the way it has structural/systemic presence as well as a deeply internalized expression.

 

I’m risking oversimplification here, but Jung suggested that if we insist on ignoring or denying these hidden parts ourselves we will tend to project them outwardly onto others and onto our world, oftentimes inflicting harm in the process. If, on the other hand, we are willing to do the uncomfortable, vulnerable work of addressing the shadowed aspects of our being—to allow the light of loving awareness to shine there—we can travel a path that is ultimately integrating and healing.

 

Awareness and acceptance of our own shadow can be painful, however, it is often a creative path and one that leads to our greatest wholeness and truthfulness. It helps us become more fully human.

 

To translate this into more theological terms one might say with John, the gospel writer, that there is a Light—the light of God’s enduring and deathless Love—that shines in any darkness and cannot be overcome. The path of faith means welcoming that light to illumine not only the parts of our being we can readily see or prefer to see, it means allowing enough vulnerability to acknowledge the shadows of our own brokenness, the fears that grip us in the night, the shame, blame and guilt we have assumed to be our birthright, our lingering wounds, and our capacity to wound ourselves and one another.

 

It means allowing that light of God’s love to reveal there, deep within us, the original blessing, the imprint of divine life that we bear at the heart of our being. Integrating our shadow side allows us to share more fully the image of God we each carry.

 

What does this look like?  We can look at the disciple Peter as an example. Peter’s earnestness, extroversion and passionate faith are evident throughout the gospels. Peter is often the first to speak, the first to step out of the boat to join his teacher in a walk on stormy waters, the first to jump into the water when the risen Christ was recognized on the seashore, and the first to say aloud “You are the Messiah, the Son of God.”

 

We also get clear glimpses of Peter’s shadow. Peter names Jesus as Messiah but will immediately and fearfully rebuke Jesus when he learns that the Messiah must face the deeply human experiences of pain and death. Peter promises to follow Jesus no matter the cost, yet, when he’s confronted in the most dire moments he denies even knowing Jesus.

 

Peter is so much like us: beautiful and broken, gifted and flawed, faithful and despairing, capable of doing great good and great harm.

 

When we meet Peter in the Book of Acts we can tell something has changed in him. He acts and sounds more rooted, more clear, more mature. Peter by this point has walked through deep valleys of soul-aching loss. He has had to squarely face the pain of his own mistakes, and the fear that caused him to betray the ones he most loved. He has also been surprised by the light of resurrection, forgiveness and grace.

 

Life has worked away on Peter and he has been forced to face parts of himself he might have preferred to avoid seeing—his shadow.

 

This is how it often works; it is the challenges we face, the mistakes we make, the wounds we cause and must confess that will reveal our own shadow to us. It is in our defensiveness, our moments of self-interest and harsh judgment that bring the shadow to light. It is in times like these that we are living in that we are given a unique opportunity to grow in awareness of our shadows—individually and collectively.

 

For most every person I know, no matter their background or point of view, life is currently in some form of uncertain upheaval. What we once assumed to be solid ground now feels shaky. What once gave us some feeling of having control over things is reduced to a very thin tether if it remains at all. Life is working away on us.

 

I think of words spoken by my friend, John Gaeddert. John is living into his tenth decade of life, and one of the great passions of his long life has been artfully sculpting wood. Unfortunately he is no longer able to do that creative work, however, it indelibly marks his view on life. As we were talking one day about the changes that come with growing old, John said this:

 

“Sometimes when life carves away on us it feels like the chips are flying everywhere…and we cannot yet see what is emerging.” 

 

Indeed. Chips are flying everywhere right now. Life is working on us right now and this carving away can be disturbing and painful. It can also be gift for the way it allows us to see more clearly what is most true and real within us and among us.

 

Right now the ills of our society that have shaped and shadowed each of our lives are being revealed. And we have an opportunity to name our shadows more truthfully…

The shadow of racism and the other prejudices that sever the bonds of human community and deny the truth of God's image within each of us.

The shadow of unchecked greed and self-interest.

The shadow of hyper-individualism.

The shadow of religiosity that is devoid of compassion.

The shadow of the degrading way we treat non-human life and our planetary home.

The shadow of our dependence on violence to solve problems.

 

These and other shadows must be named and held in the light of loving awareness; they are part of us and our common experience. We cannot keep pointing at others’ shadows and playing the blame/shame game, assuming that if it were not for them, all would be well. We cannot grow more whole without acknowledging and accepting these shadows as our own, and trust in faith that in God’s light of love even these shadows can heal.

 

I want to close these reflections with the words of a prayer that I first encountered nearly twenty years ago. It has stuck with me because it is a prayer that has a way of inviting my awareness of my own shadow. There is always something in these words that leaves me squirming and uncomfortable, and this is usually a good indicator that it is touching on something I might pay closer attention to.

 

I encourage you to take these words into your own spiritual practice and see what arises…

 

The Welcoming Prayer     

by Mary Mrozowski

 

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

 

I welcome everything that comes to me in this moment

Because I know it is for my own healing.

 

I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions,

Persons, situations and conditions.

 

I let go of my demand for security.

I let go of my hunger for approval.

I let go of my insistence on control.

I let go of my blind desire to change any

situation, condition, person or myself.

 

I open to the love and presence of God

And the healing action and grace within. Amen

 

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When even the shadows can heal

           Yet more than ever believers were added to the Lord, great numbers of both men and women, so that they even carried out the sick...